Fool

I want to say thank you to you for helping me start the new year with so much fun and laughter. Thank you for allowing me to feel the warmth I thought had slipped long ago. Yet even with all the smiles and joy, I cannot deny the loneliness I feel deep down. I see you standing before me, but what I want is for you to stand next to me holding my hand and telling me everything is going to be all right.

Every time we meet, no matter how hard I try, I find myself falling for you all over again. Each time we part, I foolishly wait for our next encounter. I can't keep track of how many times I think of you in a day, but I wonder if I even cross your mind just once? I keep telling myself to be happy, and that this is already enough. Having you not be angry with me and still be willing enough to remain friends should be more than enough, but I want more. It's selfish of me.

Back to square one

I was on a roll, almost 2 weeks without a drop of tear, but what's happening today? Isn't it funny how you always run into people you don't need to see, yet the one you want to see no matter how hard you try, you'll never see them.

Truth is, I'm feeling very jealous right now. Although I'm glad to hear that two of my very good friends are now at that "getting to know each other/casually dating" stage, I can't help but feel a little envious. Where does that put me now? Off to the side. Seeing 'cougar' become all flustered and embarrassed whenever I ask or talk about 'boo bear' reminds me of how I use to be, or how I still am whenever I think of you or mention your name. Watching 'boo bear' care for 'cougar' and messaging her, also reminds me of how you use to take care of me and message me. I miss sitting next to you, leaning on your shoulders and just having you close to me. I miss your warm embrace, and tender kisses.

I'm so useless