1% possibility

There have been times I've been angry and upset, but whenever that happens I would ask myself, "What exactly am I angry about? Who am I upset with? Should I even be mad?" I've already told myself to not have any expectations and just be happy with the current situation. I know I'm not the prettiest, brightest, the most friendliest, talented, understanding, or the most fun and enjoyable girl to be around, but I'm only human and I have a lot of flaws. I realize I tend to nag a lot and always force you to do things you may not like, but that's just my way of showing how much I care. I'm slowly learning to adapt and change. I'm learning how to let go and give you space when necessary. I'm trying my best to be more patient and not be so selfish, but it's tiring because in the end, a platonic friendship is not what I want. Honestly at times I question if I can even consider myself as your friend.

Someone asked me on a date. Under regular circumstances I should be excited, but I'm not because as nice as that person may be, he's not you. Whenever my phone rings, or whenever I see a message, I hope it's your name I see on the screen, but instead it's someone else. I should probably refuse the date, but a part of me wants to know how you would react knowing that someone else out there is showing interests in me. You probably won't care, but I like to think you might even if it's just a little bit. I feel like a terrible person right now using that other person to see your reaction, or more like a chance, a hope that you would care. I'm stupid aren't I? Rather than accepting or trying something new, I instead continue to walk towards a dead end. I know nothing I do or say will change your mind, so why do I keep trying and hurt myself like this? It's because I believe nothing is absolute, and there still may be a 1% possibility. Also I had made that promise that I would not be the first to walk away. I will always be here and will not walk away until you find that person who truly makes you happy. Even though I hope that person can and will be me, but regardless of what happens in the future I only want the best for you.

"有時候喜歡一個人不一定要把他留在身邊. 有時候讓對方離開如果這個樣子他才可以找到屬於自己的幸福那也是一種愛."